I want to write and there’s no time. NO TIME! I’m at a friend’s who has good Internet. I’m here to cook her dinner (pizza) as a thank you as part of the goodbyes that have started in earnest. Last night, I took my boss and her family out to dinner at the local hotel. And I’ve been saying versions of goodbyes to students and the teachers I work with all week.
So while I’m trying to book a hostel for me and Blythe’s post-Swaziland trip, upload photos to Google Drive for Kendra (she’s making a slideshow for the wedding) and hopefully attempt to update the school’s Facebook page, (because the school’s internet is so bad that loading email on some days is a challenge) I feel the need to write. To explain what’s going on with us. And maybe make sense of how I’m feeling.
I posted on Facebook yesterday that I didn’t know how to feel about my last week as a teacher and in Swaziland. I still don’t.
When I left Swaziland for the states in April, I was beyond excited. Not only would I get to eat Chipotle (seven times), Oklahoma Joe’s (three times plus Gates and maybe Jack Stack, though I’m not quite sure) and CHEESEBURGERS (too many to count), but I would be doing much of the planning for our wedding. I did pretty well with that: found a photographer, blocked rooms at three hotels (two of which I visited), bought a suit, toured Boulevard, found my ring with Blythe’s help and probably a handful of other things that currently escape me.
I also witnessed and sort of participated in the wedding (held one chuppah pole from blowing away in the wind during the ceremony on the beach) of two of my best friends, Jamie and Meghan. I visited my lifelong friend Libby in Chicago. I went to three Royals games and a Cardinals game. And I spent as much of the remaining time with friends and my family as I could.
It was way busier than I thought it would be and wedding planning, well, it sucks. We also registered for gifts, which Blythe wrote about HERE. We didn’t exactly love it.
None of that is to say that I’m not excited about this trip home. I AM! Very excited! A teacher at school the other day asked me how I felt about leaving. I said, “I’m ready to go.” I think my tone initially led her to believe that I was done with Swaziland and couldn’t wait to get the hell out of here. She made a joke to that effect. But I explained that it wasn’t that I was excited to leave as much as I was excited for everything coming up.
These next few months will be the most transformative of my life. At some point during that time, Blythe and I will find a new place to live, probably on the East Coast, and start new jobs (I think I know what I want to do! More on that in another post). Two things I’m very excited about. But we’re also GETTING MARRIED! I don’t think I’ve been more ready for anything in my entire life. That doesn’t sound super romantic, so let me try this: I haven’t been more sure of anything than knowing that I want to spend the rest of my life with Blythe. I mentioned this previously on Facebook, but it’s worth repeating. She is the strongest, smartest, most beautiful, most hilarious, most amazing woman I’ve known. And I want my life to start with her NOW! And I’m not talking about a life that includes just spending the weekends together, but I’ll take it here.
And before all of that happens, we’re taking the trip of the lifetime. We’ll spend 44 days traveling from Swaziland to Morocco starting Saturday. We’ll start by taking a 24-hour bus ride from Johannesburg to Livingstone, Zimbabwe, where we’ll spend a day taking in the incredible Victoria Falls. Then we board what can only be described as a tank-like bus (picture a mean-looking semi with a passenger compartment that has giant windows) for three weeks through Zambia, Malawi and Tanzania. Along the way, we’ll visit South Luangwa National Park, Lake Malawi, Serengeti National Park, Ngorongoro Crater and Zanzibar with a ton of other stuff in between. Then we’ll spend a week hiking Mt. Kilimanjaro, which at 19,341 feet is the highest in Africa, and about 6,000 feet higher than anything we’ve previously attempted. And then we’ll spend nine days in Morocco. The details there are fuzzy, but stops will likely include Tangier, Chefchaouen, Fes, Meknes, Rabat, Marrakech and Casablanca. All told, that’s eight African countries, if you include our layover in Kenya.
(Please don’t worry about Ebola. We’ll be at lest 1,500 miles by plane from where it is now and I know saying “NOW” is kind of the point here. Just think about it as close to the distance from Denver to New York.)
So yes, I’m ready to go. But I have a lot to look forward to.
However, none of this takes into account how I feel about leaving Swaziland. This place has been my home for the past 21 months (except the seven weeks I was stateside). I entered a new profession that was at times infuriating and exhausting while at others being rewarding and satisfying. I’ve done so many things that I feel will make me better at whatever I job I get next, just from the amount of things I accomplished at the very least. I can go into an interview and say that I created and managed a Facebook page for the school; worked to fine-tune existing communications materials for current and prospective parents, and potential donors; re-created the school’s widely circulated school newsletter; helped set up the computer lab; helped reorganize the library and created a monthly movie night for students. That doesn’t include teaching, planning, grading and the extra hours I spent working after school with students.
And Hlanganani, the school, is only a part of my experience. I’ve been welcomed into families, made lifelong friends, been immersed into different cultures and just generally had to figure shit out along the way. This sounds super cheesy, but I’ve learned so much about myself, about life and Blythe and I are so much closer because of it all.
I feel like I’m only beginning to try to explain this. Hopefully, someday, I will. But for now, I’m still unsure what to really make of everything. I know that part of me is excited and part of me is starting to get sad. And right now, I think that’s OK.